When I'm walking confidently with my chin up, she'll whisper something that causes me to doubt.
And as the doubts swirl around in my head, my chin starts to lower--she sees this and smirks.
Then she goes from whispering to me to talking normally, making sure I haven't forgotten about all of my insecurities and fears, resulting in me slowing down--she sees this and goes from smirking to full-on smiling.
Then she goes from talking normally to shouting, loudly filling my inner ears and mind with nonsense and lies until I can do nothing other than stop walking and fall to my knees.
At this point she's laughing and blatantly ridiculing me for falling down...again.
For losing...again.
For failing...again.
...For being a loser.
...For being a failure.
I feel the asphalt under my legs as I curl up into a ball on that hard ground feeling small and hopeless, and cover my ears with my hands and close my eyes to block her out in whatever ways I can. And it's here, in this moment, when I'm basically on the floor in some variant of the fetal position where I hear/think the word 'enough.'
enough.
And each time it comes to me it gets a little louder...
Enough.
...and a little louder...
ENOUGH.
...and louder...
E N O U G H.
And just like that, I find the strength to open my eyes, uncover my ears, and slowly begin to uncurl because I've had ENOUGH.
Enough of listening to her spewing lies and garbage.
Enough of her bullying.
Enough of her smirks, sadistic smiles, and taunts.
Enough of allowing her to have so much influence on me when she clearly doesn't love me nor is she for me.
My inner critic is a relentless bitch who is nothing but a toxic presence in my life.
Unfortunately, cutting her out completely isn't realistic at this point, but I'm not going to sit by idly and watch her destroy all the healing and work I've done so far. Hells to the no.
I'm not going down without a fight, bitch.
Toxicity be gone.
Love flow in.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
